i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
