It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
