ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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