connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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