Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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