We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
