I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
