If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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