my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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