I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
