So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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