i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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