**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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