I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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