Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
