Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
