I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize