I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize