oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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