Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
