my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize