im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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