your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize