i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
