So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
