I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
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