Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
