Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
