Jerry, you need to find god
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
