We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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