I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
