Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
