Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.

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(845): View more from New York

its like an ocean threw up right in your lap

Fav 6 782 2827
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(757): View more from Virginia

It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

Fav 81 9727 1936
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.

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(+33): View more from France

how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?

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(516): View more from New York

Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"

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(226): View more from Ontario

I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.

(613): View more from Ontario

The fuck? Where?

(226): View more from Ontario

St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?

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