I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
