Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
