Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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