Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
