dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
