hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish I only lived at night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
