Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
