don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
