i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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