do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
