So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
