Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
