Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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