Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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