So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
