he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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