Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
