Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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