His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
