He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
