OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
