The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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