Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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