People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
