I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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