I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
