So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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