I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
