She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
