dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I didn't notice because vodka
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
