lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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