Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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