We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Bring me that man meat
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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