sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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