i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
