she woke up with a sticky ear
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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