honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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