I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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