Ambien. No doubt about it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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